All The Madmen
by DontKillMyVibe
Summary: Chapter 2 is up at the aquarium! Happy 2014!
1. Chapter 1

**All The Madmen, Chapter 1**

* * *

"Sammy, must you make it a point to be kicked out of Mr. Sylvester's class every other day?"

"It's not my fault! I honestly don't see what could have offended him!"

I shook my head, grinning. "Silly Sammy. Most people don't appreciate unflattering cartoons of them drawn on lab reports."

Silence. "I MEANT to turn in another assignment. I mixed up my creative teacher drawing and my report; sue me. And am I really THAT bad of an artist?"

I laughed. "Sams, he was at LEAST 40 pounds overweight and riding a cactus in a thong."

"Some people have no sense of humor."

"For the record, everyone but he thought it was funny."

She ignored my comment. "Just because the last time he smiled was 1973 doesn't mean he has to send EVERY INNOCENT GIRL to the office once she makes a harmless drawing."

"HAH. Throwing out the 'don't get your panties in a twist' line after he caught you probably wasn't the best route to take."

She was about to scoff and respond sarcastically back when she paused and stared at me with a confused expression. "Wait, how'd YOU get a pass out of class?"

I held up my laminated bathroom pass. "You think I'm going to miss Sammy Keyes' TWELTH trip to the office in the month of December?"

She blushed. "Hell no. If you're going to stalk and keep track of my detention record then at least do it ACCURATELY. This is number FIFTEEN as we speak. And YOU'LL be the one who has to explain to the dear office lady why you showed up with a BATHROOM pass."

"Oh c'mon. They love me there. They practically hand me a Snickers every time I come in. Just go, Sammy, I'll just pretend I took the biggest king jewel of craps when I get back to the room."

"What a romantic."

"I try."

Getting to the office and listening to the principal scream at Sammy, her little outburst cost her so much that in the end she had two Saturday detentions AND she had to clean out the vice principal's desk for "inappropriate commentary."

Principal yelled at Sammy until the bell rang, and after we collected our stuff we walked home, discussing Sammy's recent trip.

We talked until we came to Marissa's house, where a boy I've never met before played with a baseball outside. He was around five or six.

Marissa came outside and hugged us simultaneously and tightly, which only meant one thing: she had a favor to ask us.

"This is Jeffrey, my nephew. Jeffy, say hi to Sammy and Casey."

The boy tentatively shook my hand and gave a small wave to Sammy.

She inhaled and looked at both of us with hopeful expressions. "Jeffy needs someone to babysit him for the rest of the day."

I glanced sideways at Sammy, and she did the same.

Sammy spoke. "And I'm taking it that you aren't going to be that person?"

Marissa shifted her pleading gaze me. I sighed in defeat and grabbed Jeffy's mitt.

"You know how to play catch?"

Marissa broke into a huge smile and hugged both of us like crazy.

"THANK you SO much. I owe you guys my soul. Jeffy, be good, ok? All right, I have to go...get myself ready."

Sammy scoffed. "YES. Leave me with the child while you go primp for Billyyyyyyy." She made exaggerated kissy noises.

Marissa smacked her and kissed Jeffy goodbye. It was once she left when I realized I had never babysat before.

But what are we supposed to do with a child for the next 5 hours?

* * *

**A/N: IT'S BASICALLY NOTHING BUT I PROMISE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER THEY'RE GOING TO VISIT A PLACE AND SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN.**

**Guys, it's my tenth story! I know, pretty mediocre landmark, but WHATEVER it's important to me so be quiet and buy me balloons.**

**DID YOU KNOW THAT JOHN'S MUSTACHE HAS ITS OWN TUMBLR PAGE AND NAME. IM HAVING MAJOR SHERLOCK WITHDRAWALS,**  
**GUYS. I NEED BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH'S DARK CHOCOLATE VOICE IN MY EARS.**

**CATCHING FIRE WAS AMAZING ACK MEIN GOIT (pretty sure that's omg in german, but Idk man. Feel free to google translate that or something ) but in the IMAX version, the screen only expands when she's being lifted into the arena so we see it at the full experience when she does too I was like THAT, SIR, IS BRILLIANT and the movie was BEYOND BELIEF AMAZING.**

**I feel like for the marathon something has to be different too besides the influx of stories by maybe we could also have abnormally long authors notes for the pleasure of others BUT ALSO we need to make an effort to REVIEW MORE CUZ WE BETTER BE ON THIS STINKIN SITE 24/7 MARATHON RUNNERS DON'T EVER REST. But who knows if that's actually true because...after a mile in actual running I kind of pass out.**

**MANY HUGS,**  
**-DontKillMyVibe**


	2. Chapter 2

**All the Madmen Chapter 2**

**Sammy's POV:**

Jeffy ended up being the bossiest little twerp ever.

After pigging out on Double Dynamos and whining until we took him to the park, I was pooped out and we still had two hours left.

But the thing was, Casey lived all the way in Sisquane, we didn't have the keys to Marissa's place, and we obviously could not hang out at my home.

So we had to take the monster somewhere.

"I'm BOOOOORED," Jeffy wailed, grabbing my arm and shoving it up and down in the most obnoxious way imaginable.

"I know," I said through gritted teeth, "I'm still trying to figure out what to do with you."

Casey pried Jeffy off my arm and picked him and his Spider-Man backpack up. He kept a safe distance from me so I wouldn't maim Casey for agreeing to this babysitting job.

I had finals to study for. Stuff to get _done_. And here I was, entertaining a five year old.

I am known for not being the most patient around kids. I've had a stark fear of caring for them after I _found one in a bag that a gang mother had forced on me_. I'm pretty sure that's only rational.

And Jeffy's reactive crying was like nothing I've seen before. He looked like a big blubbering fish when he didn't get what he wanted.

Wait. _Fish_.

I spun around. "Jeffy, the aquarium sounds fun, doesn't it?" I said this 10% as a question, and 90% as a plead. As in, "you BETTER think the aquarium is fun or I will lose my marbles."

But thank everything, Jeffy's pudgy face brightened up as he nodded vigorously.

YES. "Case, can you get us to the local one off Bentley?"

"Yeah, sure, it should be about a ten-minute drive."

I practically skipped to his car and threw open the passenger side door. We had something to occupy him with. He would be distracted feeding seals or something instead of crying rivers all over me.

Finally, at six thirty, we collected Jeffy and drove back to Marissa's house. She better have had the best date with Billy ever, because I'm telling you, my efforts were not going to be wasted.

Marissa burst in around seven and thanked us a ton. She sent Jeffy upstairs to take a shower. Thinking I've seen the last of him, I tried to stealthily get out of the house, because Grams was technically expecting me back home three hours ago and probably thought I was dead in a ditch somewhere. But before I could bust out of there and be home free, Marissa called me to the next room apologetically.

"Sammy? Before you leave...these high heels are giving me some damn blisters. I can't walk up the stairs at the moment. Could you go and make sure Jeffy started his bath?"

I whined, "No. NO. Marissa, Grams is waiting for me and I just watched him for FIVE frickin hours."

She jutted her lower lip out, and was about to give the biggest _Woe-Is-Me_ speech ever, before I put my hands up in defeat and trudged slowly up into the bathroom. I was not going down that road again. Marissa was a master manipulator.

I opened the door to the washroom and was greeted by a look of horror from Jeffy. No, not because he was embarrassed to be caught naked or anything, because he was fully clothed.

"Why haven't you started your bath?"

He gave out a little monotoned "_he he he_". Like _he he he_, I'm so cute and funny. _He he he_, I'm cute and innocent, so don't blame me but I did something naughty.

I crouched down. "Jeffy," I said, my voice level. "What...did you do?"

He seemed to be blocking the bathtub. I picked him up and placed him out of the way, my hand moving toward the curtain.

"NO!" He screeched, diving for me. He grabbed my leg with surprising force, but I had already grasped the curtain, so we both went down. It ripped off the rod hinges to reveal...

A penguin.

A _living, breathing, freaking penguin_.

My hands slid up my face as I gasped in utter exasperation.

"Holy kettle crap, Jeffy."

"_He he he_." The voice was back. Again. He reached over to stroke the bird. "His name is Sneaker. He likes tuna fish sandwiches, don't you, Sneaker."

"HOW is this even - I mean - this is LITERALLY impossible. What even - what kind of security - "

"_Whaaaaaaale_, if you and CASEY had spent a little less time paying attention to EACH OTHER - ew by the way - you would have realized that Sneaker fit in my backpack perfectly."

"Oh, and you're expecting me to believe that you just STUMBLED upon him? Because I'm pretty sure - scratch that - 100% sure, they do not sell penguins in the gift shop."

"He's mine now."

"You can't do this. You know that, right? You can't just go around stealing penguins."

He looked shocked. "I didn't steal anything. HE came to ME. Duh."

"You understand we'll have to put him _back_, though, right?"

"Yes." He looked at me longingly, and that's when I realized - THERE IS NO WAY TO SUBTLY RETURN A PENGUIN TO THE ZOO.

I called up Casey from downstairs. When he saw the predicament, his mouth hit the floor.

"You see the penguin too, right?"

"Yup."

"Well shit."

"I know."

"So what are we going to do, Sammy? The zoo's long closed."

I looked at Jeffy, then at Casey.

"Commence operation sneak Sneaker back into the zoo."

"Are you serious? Do you know how...ILLEGAL that is?"

I nodded. I could see my bright future be possibly murdered before my eyes.

**A/N: Get ready for stealthy Sammy and Casey in the next chapter, with PERHAPS another mystery to be discovered at the zoo. Idk. The only way to find out is to tune in next time.**

**Thanks for putting up with this story, by the way. Happy New Year's!**


End file.
